Ok, sorry to write a negative blog again right after I promised not to, but I really can't help myself.
You people who have kids and spend ALLLLLLL your time talking about them and taking pictures of them drive me freakin crazy! On top of that, I actually pity you, because you seem to have nothing else to talk about. How's work? Do you have any interests or hobbies? Read any good books lately? Hear anything interesting on the news recently? How's your family doing? I mean, I get it- it's great that you're devoted to your kids- I'm sure they'll appreciate that at some point BUT you can't just lose yourself along the way. You need to keep your hobbies and make "you" time and talk about things you like besides your kids every now and then. You can't seriously be so stupid as to surrender every interest you've ever had just because you think you've reached the pinnacle of your life- getting married and having lotsa babies. I mean, really: CONGRATULATIONS- you've done something pretty much EVERYONE ELSE ON THE PLANET has done. I mean this in the nicest way possible, but you're not special, or the greatest person on the planet because you bred. Your kids are probably not that cute, or smart, or special, at least not to everyone else. I while everyone enjoys the occasional update about your growing family, no one wants to read your huge blog about it, or see your 9893465 updates on Facebook about how your kid moved like this or said that yesterday.
Now I'm not saying never talk about your kids, I'm just saying don't ALWAYS talk about your kids. Talk about them 70, 80, even 90% of the time, but please for everyone's sanity and so you don't get punched in the face, sometimes talk about something else as well. A doctor's visit, getting the oil in your car changed, your trip to the grocery store- it really doesn't matter. Everyone just wants to make sure you haven't gone off the deep end.
Kinda makes me wonder if I would turn into an annoying robot like that, if I ever decide to have kids. I know I'm not the sharpest crayon in the crayon box, but I feel like I have a lot of varied interests, and I wonder if they, too, would fall by the wayside if I had kids. I know that most parents' days are spent taking care of their children, and so the majority of information that they share with others will be kid-related, but for their own sanity they HAVE to make time to do something else in their lives. Watch the tv in bed after you put the kids to sleep. Let grandma babysit for a while and go to a spa, to a concert, or on a quick trip to Vegas. Take the kids to a waterpark, or sporting event, or on a hike. Take a class at the community center in something that has always interested you. Cook a new dish. Go through old photos and yearbooks. It's not hard to do; you just have to make the effort. But if you don't, and ALL you do is talk about your kids' greatness, then excuse me if my eyes glaze over when you're talking to me, because I don't care, and neither does anyone else.
Lately I've been thinking, that having kids is a very selfish act. Here's why: 1) Right now, no one needs to have more than one or two kids (if that). There are waaaay too many people on our planet right now, and I don't think our species is going anywhere. So the excuse that you need to help perpuate the species aside, 2) Having a kid is the process of creating a mini-you. Furthering your DNA, your looks, your personality, and shoving your beliefs down an innocent person's throat so that they are a perfect mini-clone of you. You brag about your kids (which no one really cares about, honestly) so that others praise YOU. You go in debt buying cute crap for your kids so that other people compliment YOU. You post 394873497 pictures of them on your blog and Facebook so that others have to see it and praise YOU. YOU, YOU, YOU. "We have three kids; they are so beautiful and smart and successful, and they're the best kids in the whole world." Parents say that kind of stuff even if their kids are really just mediocre. But when a kid drops out of college or has a crappy job fixing cars or flipping burgers, the parents are suddenly disappointed. Nevermind that their kid has made their own choices in life or that they're still alive and healthy and able to take care of themselves (which is really all a parent SHOULD want for their kids)- the kid is now a disappointment because he is a reflection on his/her parents. How fucked up is that? In some families, it's even as extreme as if the child comes out as gay, or decides to be a pediatrician instead of a brain surgeon, the parents are still disappointed. The system is COMPLETELY selfish. Again, that makes me think that if I had a kid, I would be either be a very odd parent or a very good parent, because I wouldn't want to push my beliefs on my kids. I'd let them wear whatever they wanted to, say what they felt, change their name when they turn 18 if they don't like it, and as long as they did SOME amount of research, I wouldn't care what they believed. I'm not religious at all, a bit liberal, and I hope to one day take down The Man; I like my freedom to believe all that and do what I want (as long as I'm not hurting anyone else in the process). That said, if my kid wanted to be a southern baptist who is a republican and has 17 kids and is a garbage man or whatever, I'd let them be that. Of course, I'd feel bad that we likely wouldn't have much in common, and I'd wonder how my kid got to that point, but I would LET THEM BE. I wouldn't be disappointed, and I'd still include them in my life regularly. I wouldn't feel they are a bad reflection on me. If anything- I'd view them as a GOOD thing because instead of me shoving my godless liberal agenda down my kid's throat, they would've made all their choices by themselves. I always like to reference that movie "Big Daddy" in cases like this. Adam Sandler's character one day gets a kid, and the kid wants to be called Frankenstein and wear totally weird outfits, so AS's character lets him. The kid is fed regularly, has a roof over his head, and is treated well at home and is clearly loved. But the kid's teacher (and I think other parents) seemed hesitant over his wardrobe and the totally free way that he talked and acted, and so AS's character got criticized and he came to doubt himself. Parents should always encourage that kind of freedom, as long as their child is safe, and as long as anyone their kid is around is safe. Parents should NOT be afraid of non-conformity or any choice their child makes. Parents should support their kids no matter what, and never ever consider them a failure, especially those parents who might've been considered a disappointment by THEIR parents, and so on.
You know what, that makes me want to alter my first few paragraphs, and say this: go ahead and talk about your kids, but talk about the actions THEY make, and stop trying to trick people into thinking your kids' actions/words are really a reflection of YOU and how great YOU are. Your kids are their own people. Yeah, y'all share DNA, looks, and medical history, but that doesn't mean anything. Your kids are all going to disappoint you at some point, but they'll still be good people.
If you invested a lot of time and money in your kids, for lessons, sports, music, school, whatever, wouldn't you be a little bummed if they got married early, dropped all their hobbies you helped cultivate, and just kept having kids, only to spend their free time talking about their kids and only their kids, would you be satisfied? Wouldn't you wonder if they still played piano, played tennis, or wanted to continue their education? Wouldn't you wonder if they had any friends, if they had any plans for their future, or anything else going on in their lives?
You have to strike a balance. Kids are important, but you need other things in your life, be it religion, music, books, travel, sports, whatever. Your kids will need that balance, so who better to learn it from than YOU.
- s.
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